all the young dudes carry the news

so basically friday night was amazing. i slept over kaine's..we watched superbad and had tickle wars. i was hopein he wouldnt find my spots hehehehehe. well, yesterday when i got home was sooo scary. i had like this weird reaction or some infection thing for a day. in an innappropriate spot. lol i was freaking out, i thought i was going to loose it. but im all better now. i had a photoshoot in my backyard though, even if i was in pain.
it was a good 20 minutes. but i watched chappelle's show last night and i forgot how funny it really is. lol enough of my shit talking..onto the photos!

I don't wanna have to give you a detention.

Monday night, Kaine came over for dinner and he tutored me in the math section of my GED book. It was really hard, but he said I was doing really well. He thinks its all an act just to tease me, but I'm really not like everyone knows I'm terrible at math and I just need a little help and its good he cares about me. He gave me homework too, and I can't wait for him to grade it. Hopefully tonight I'll get to see him, because if not I'm probably just going to be hanging out with my parents like every other night.. It sucks.

Toodles,
destinee

B L A C K O U T

On thursday, I layed in bed all day untill my mom forced me to get up and go to PT's with them. Yesterday, I went shopping for a black dress for the blackout party that I didnt even end up wearing. I wore something I already owned. Last night, before we left..I watched Theatre Camp home movies. I had forgotten how amazing group D dances were. I had forgotten how talented I was, and most importantly..I had forgotten about all the amazing friends I made those 4 summers. Those were the best summers of my life. I'll never forgot them, and I'll never forgot opening up my inner thespian. It was the birth of being an actress for me, I'll always keep Seven Angels Theatre close to my heart. I was really nervous all week about this party. I was afraid that no one would talk to me, and look at me funny. But that's the beauty of irony, right?

When we got there, Kaine was outside getting drinks out of Andy's car. He looked so good in jeans, I have never seen him in jeans before..he always wear khaki shorts and flip flops like hes a California boy or something. Anyways, There wasnt many people there at that point. The hookah was out already though, no surprise. I was spending the night so Kaine took me upstairs to my bag in his room. Hes sick, so I brought him cough drops, orange juice, and vicks vapor rub..whenever I'm sick thats my favorite part. He was so cute with a stuffy nose. You know that voice people get? Like you can tell when they have a stuffy nose. Hes adorable. I wrote him another poem, and I gave that to him too. He was greatful, and didnt mind my corny-ness. Afterall, I had given him everything and I mean everything I written about him for his birthday. He kissed him a whole bunch then we went downstairs. I wasn't too keen about drinking without him but he encouraged me to have fun, and not just sit back just because he was sick. So I grabbed a beer, and he gave me a coolie. Can't get over his cuteness. Someone had asked him to play beer pong, and he looked at me and I said yeah. Seriously, no one would ever ask me to be their partner. I'm not very good, but I think its a "couple" thing. Or the girlfriends vs. the boyfriends. But were not even there yet. Anyways, we were dominated...again. I think it was because the beer we were drinking was imported and a little birdy told me that imported beer has twice the effect than bud or coors. And the beer I was already drinking was miller. I could be wrong about that imported thing, or maybe its because I offered to drink Kaine's cups. But we ended up sharing anyways. He drank like 3, and I had the rest including mine. We had a moment, where I was so pist about not getting any balls in the cups and he was like "Its okay, I believe in you." and I got it in. We each got four cups total, and we lost. So I was drunk before the party had even started, figures. To top it all off, my left eye was bloodshot. And it gets like that and its been like that for years. It'll just do it randomly. People were like "Are you high?" Totally not helping, considering I've quit weed, woo hoo. People were smoking ciggarettes too, Kaine is so sweet he rubbed my back the whole night and kept saying "Be strong.", He's wonderful, yep. Later, we went in the kitchen and I made east coast friends! Jersey and Boston, hell yeah right? Theyre so nice, they deffinatly walked in on me while I was peeing though. That damn lock is broken. People were talking to me though, and I told Kaine I was having an anxiety attack before I got there, he said "They love you, and your doing great." We had another moment, where his roomate Eric was being so silly-drunk. Kaine was like "hes annoying." I said No, but I wouldnt no because I don't live with him. Then Justin was being silly-drunk and I said hes annoying, and Kaine said "Tell me something imbarassing about him so I can make fun of him later." I told him how he takes hour long showers, and I take 5 minute ones. He cracked a joke, "Well, hes gotta things done." and I got, well so do I but I still don't take hour long showers! He laughed, kissed my cheek and said "That was really cute." In front of everyone! Oh, I forgot to mention that when we got back to kitchen I made myself a screw driver, and by this point I was wobbly beyond wobbly. And this girl comes up to Kaine like "I'm sorry I got your name wrong...your name is so cool." In drunk talk, He kept looking at me for help. She turned away for a sec, I scooted up next to him..hip to hip. And she kept drunk talking and slurring her words. I kept laughing. She kept calling him Shane. It was hysterical. finally she introduced herself to me, because I bet she knew that I was "with him". We went upstairs to bed after that. Since he had work early, we woke up at 6. Crazy right? I'm hungover, and getting up at 6. He brought me home, kisses for like 10 minutes then I finally hopped out. I went back to bed and woke up at 1 in the afternoon, figures. But I have this steaming hot bowl of pasta next to me waiting for me to eat it, so see ya!


P.S. I find myself more preserved when I'm drunk, I'm not wild anymore. And when I seem to be slurring my words, I catch myself. I think I'm growing up.

I still haven't studied since Friday.

Which isn't good considering I really don't have a high school education. Its scattered, really. I would've walked in June. Got handed that piece of paper rolled up in ribbon, wearing that white cap and gown. My teenage years were a lot more fucked up than most teenagers. Especially high school, that was the worst. I'm working on getting my GED, for the second time in one whole year. I tried last year. Taking classes with adults, some my age. It makes me think of the breaks most, because thats all I really looked forward to was having a ciggarette inbetween my math and english class. I quit smoking a few weeks ago, and I still think about it. I'm already up to chapter 21, in SWEETHEARTS. I bought the book on saturday. I used to hate reading. In the 8th grade, the first book I ever read fully through all by myself without reading some book for a class was Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban. Because the movie was coming out at the end of the summer, and I wanted to know what it would be like to watch a movie and read the book first. That was the last book I read till last year, Perks of Being a Wallflower. My favorite. Remarkable. Truly. I dropped off an application to Urban Outfitters last night, and they gave me a mini interview. They liked me. I hope I get the job because American Eagle sucked and UO is way better. Plus, I need cash to pay bills. I need a license, and a car. I remembered that I let Kaine borror my budda for school, and I texted him to rub him for me. It worked, because I should be expecting a phone call from the manager by the end of this week. Hes sick today. But sucking it up like a good sport, at work. I hope he gets better. I wish I could kiss his cute little face. Lol, I'm corny. I really miss Nikki. And my Fambly back home. Preggo only has this month, and next month and then out comes Leila! I'm so excited to be "Aunty Destinee". Another girl, who'da thought. For my birthday(ahem October 22) I would like a plane ticket to the island of Maui for the birth of my first niece. I told my other sister Amy today that Cheech and Chong are coming to the Pearl on Oct 18, so two tickets are in order for that. My hair straigtner is really cheap, I could use a Chi. And And And a laptop. Prefirbly a macbook, but hah! Those things are like billions of dollars. So I'd just like one with a Camera built in. And clothes. Or UO gift cards and such. Or money. I duno my birthday is like less than a month a half away and I'm getting excited. Mmm, I should hop in the shower. Regina Spektor, I miss you. Feist, you too.

Bye!
destinee


P.S. Myspace should stop being so lame today. I've been trying to get on since 12. I gotta talk to my peeps, man.

I can still taste him on my lips

I left my house last night with the intention of coming home, going to bed with my heart pounding and reading a couple chapters of my book. Insteatd, I went to bed with him, my heart pounding. I layed there listening to him sleep, as I tried to fall asleep. I've always had a hard time falling asleep. When I was little, I was scared of the dark and I thought if I saw one little light in the room, everything would be okay. I used to just sleep with my closet light on or the tv on. And with sleepovers, the comfort of knowing someone in the room with me was all I needed, and the alarm clock light. Basically, the light posts outside peers through his two windows, and from his mirror it reflects onto the wall where I sleep next to. I have to sleep next to a wall, I don't know why. Another comfort thing, like a secruity blanket. It's nice, having someone like him. I woke up to the alarm clock, but when noises occur, I move and moan. I sensed a smile in him when he kissed my lips before he left his room to take a shower. I fell asleep again, and when he returned I woke up to his belt buckle. I turned over and smiled, and he smiled and kissed me. then he layed beside me and took my hand. I just yawned and kept looking up at those eyes. I swear I kept seeing tears swell up, then his index finger and thumb when for outer part of his eyes and nothing. He kept sniffling and looking away then looking down at me smiling, then looking away. I asked if he was okay and what was on his mind and he kept saying "nothing" and "I'm okay." I know whats bothering him. Hes afraid of getting hurt again, and hes afraid of falling again and all these silly things. I know I know. And I'm patient, and I understand..is what I told him. I asked him if he ever wanted to be with me and his response was along the lines of a yes. Patience has always been a friend of mine. Hes happy with where were at and so am I. The ride home was quiet, and he always reaches for my hand. So every car ride, we always end up holding hands and looking at eachother. Goodbyes are the worst, it takes about 5 minutes. But I don't count it as a Goodbye unless we're not going to see eachother for months. I say goodbye to Nikki and my sister. We say see you soon. And everytime I close the door, he blows a kiss. I went inside and went back to sleep. He has class so it's not like he was kicking me out. Whenever we have a sleepover, and whenever I get home, I immedietly take off the shirt I wore because I want the smell of him to last. Call me crazy, but I miss him when he's not around.

I'm reading this terrific book called Sweethearts. Pick it up.

27 dresses

when i even start to think about this, or you or telling you..my stomach starts turning into knots. it doesnt hurt, really. i like it. when we first met, i think we both didnt expect to like eachother so much. because i wanted to change my life at that point and its just funny how some things work. i wanted to leave my past and my home behind and start over..a new adventure in a place that was fun and exciting. the funny thing about it, is how my life is full of silly things that fall into place. the littlest things. ill see something on tv, then later ill see something on the street and smile because i know that those two things i saw were connected in some way. before i met you, i had heard you name and saw you around but never have i ever thought about us before. untill we met, you touched me everything felt right. everything finally felt normal. i felt like my whole past had dissapeared and there was no more sad depressed little destinee. and her broken past and un succesful relationships and failed friendships and bad habits. all of it was gone. sometimes i think it was fate working, and maybe it was. maybe god has a set out plan for me. all i know is, that night changed my life. all from one little text message. one little picture mail. one little hug, to conversation. to giggling, staying up late, dreaming, writing about you..all of it seems to tie into place. the reason we met is unthinkable, it just happend. and its made us stronger and happier. the moment i met you, i felt like i could fall for you. that one little connection made me think "hey, i cant let this go to waste." ...i thought he cant be like any other connecticut boy..he cant walk all over me and treat me like i was nothing. he doesnt seem like that. not at all. and sometimes i get this gut feelings where i predict the future, and i was right. because since then, i havent felt like that. i havent felt an ounce of sadness over you. all i feel is happiness, warmth, and love in my heart. and thats all i ever want to feel. and i feel so great just sighing with relief day by day. because its not too good to be true. true love does exsist..it just takes a little time and effort to find it. they dont say find the right 20 do they? they say find the right one. and when you do, grab a hold of it because you dont know if its going to slip away. im not saying i found true love, im just saying i may have found it. so im going to hold onto it. hes unlike anything i have ever wanted, and im happy for that. hes the nice guy and thats something ive needed for a long time and im finally realizing that now. its so wonderful not to feel like your nothing anymore. because i am something, and he brings it out in me. i am just so happy and one stupid chick flick made me realize how much i adore this fellow. i cant wait to see him again. oh god, i cant wait =)